Centrifugal Birthing Apparatus

September 1, 2012

THERE ARE NO WORDS only diagrams. Horrifying diagrams:

that’s a baby catching net.


Furby Patent

August 21, 2011

Patent for a Stick

March 20, 2011

Update: page 9 (the last page of this patent) reveals that all of this patents’ claims were canceled in ex parte reexamination.  Thanks, Phil!

Granted 2002 to Ross Eugene Long of Oakland.

Keep in mind — this is not just any stick. This stick;

“includes a main section with at least one protrusion extending therefrom that resembles a branch in appearance.”

Ah, yes.  We have uniqueness now.


And the full abstract:

Stick Patent Abstract

Fetch the rest of the text from google patents.

Thanks to Sirus for the tip!

A Patent on Patent Trolling: “Patent Acquisition and Assertion by a (Non-Inventor) First Party Against a Second Party “

February 15, 2011

This patent on patent acquisition and assertion appears to be a direct shot across the bow for any “patent trolling” operation. Yo dawg, I heard you like intellectual property — so I patented your patent operation!

This patent application filed October 2008.  Assignee is Halliburton.

On the bright side, the abstract seems to actually live up to being a “how-to” to the patent’s subject.


Methods for a first party to acquire and assert a patent property against a second party are disclosed.

  • The methods include obtaining an equity interest in the patent property.
  • The methods further include writing a claim within the scope of the patent property.
  • The claim is written to cover a product of the second party where the product includes a secret aspect.
  • The methods further include filing the claim with a patent office.
  • The methods sometimes include offering a license of the patent property to the second party after the patent property issues as a patent with the claim.
  • The methods sometimes include asserting infringement of the claim by the second party after the patent property issues as a patent with the claim.
  • The methods sometimes include negotiating a cross-license with the second party based on the assertion of infringement of the claim, where under the cross-license the first party obtains a license to an intellectual property right from the second party.
  • The methods sometime include attempting to obtain a monetary settlement from the second party based on the assertion of infringement of the claim.

[emphasis mine]

See it all here at the USPTO.

User-Operated Amusement Apparatus for Kicking the User’s Buttocks

December 8, 2010

Definitely novel and non-obvious :)

(via Frank G. — thanks, Frank!)

Patent WTF — “Novelty Doll”, #D440,263

June 19, 2010

I’m not sure if this was an attempt to hack the patent system — and see just what you can patent — or if Noland D. Norman of Petaluma California was really revelling in his own private brand of genius when he or his patent artist sketched this:

novelty doll

Nonetheless — the patent stands! And it does so with its head up it’s own *ahem*.

novelty doll patent description

Try getting your head at that angle — read the patent here

Michael Jackson’s Moonwalking Boots: “Method And Means for Creating Anti-Gravity Illusion”, #5255452

June 17, 2010

This patent is basically notable because I had no idea that Michael Jackson owned patents, nor that his moonwalking was anything more than incredible talent.  Here, the patent reveals all:

Inventor: Michael Jackson et. al

leaning figure

description of the boots

What more is there to say, really?

Learn the secrets of MJ’s shoes.

The Pop Rocks Patent: “Process of Preparing Gasified Candy” #4289794

June 17, 2010

This patent may be one of the most endearing patents I’ve ever read — or perhaps that’s all my fond childhood memories of the sound of my skull exploding in my ears, and a frothy mouth full of Pop Rock candy and soda. Here’s how it’s made:

Note — the more pronounced pop is popular with today’s youth.  A “Pop” culture patent claim for all time.

the youth 

Bits I love:  How to flavor pop rocks?  “This matter will be well known to those skilled in the confectionary art.”

how to flavor pop rocks

And no less than a panel of testers evaluating  “Pop Rating” scale from 0-14.  

pop rating